P.S. I thought of more to brag about

Just wanted to add to the previous bragfest/update on Sydney that I think is pretty amazing and a nod in my direction that maybe I am doing an ok job--for the most part.

1) Sydney says thank you WITHOUT being prompted almost anytime you give her anything whether she requests it or not.

2) If I cough around her or make a face like something hurts she will immediately pat me on the arm or leg and say "s'ok mama. s'ok"

3) She says "I love you" "See soon" and "Good day" mostly without being told when she sees daddy leave for work. Now this is rare since we are usually out of the house first...but still lol

4) If you have a boo-boo she will kiss it better. If she has a boo-boo she wants you to kiss it better, but she will kiss it herself if you are too slow. Whenever you ask for kisses you have to have hugs too. And she will remind you! "kisses" followed by "hugs" everytime.

5) Another of her favorite phrases is "GO AWAY" which I hate but which daddy thinks is hilarious. She likes to tell me to go away when she is playing catch with daddy in the man cave.

6) She can get a little bossy--"Sit Down! Sit back! Geet up!" i think I might use these phrases too much too.

7) She has just started saying "be right back" and holding her arm out as if to hold you in place. its adorable and hilarious when she does it, but also reminds me how often i say the same thing.

ok that's it for now....seriously. There is probably tons of other things I'm missing but my brain is not functioning on high right now lol

Sydney Amazes me even while she drives me nuts :-)

So its been a little while since I've written and since this is pretty much an update on Sydney its going to be a long one. Sorry in advance....

My daughter (firstborn--in case this little one growing inside me also turns out to be a girl) is beautiful, energetic, super intelligent, insane, boisterous (what 2 yr old isn't), loving, loveable and downright amazing. (what mom doesn't say the same thing about their kids?) In other words she does everything she possibly can to keep me on my toes EVERYDAY! It's exhausting I tell you...but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Sydney is about to turn 2 years old. In approximately 1 week. TWO! IN ONE WEEK! WHERE THE HELL did 2 years go?!??!?!?!?! Its hard to believe my little booger is almost 2. Its incredible. AND she is so darn smart! I mean really smart. (here is where I'm going to brag a little...or alot...skip ahead if you think i'm being obnoxious. apologies. i'm really not trying to be...i'm just amazed) Syd can count to 10--most of the time. Sometimes she gets to 8 then goes right back to 7 and 8 again....but if you coax her a little she gets to 10 more often than not. She can also count to 5 in spanish. YES I said it! She can count to 5 in espanol! Unfortunately, I can take no credit for this. I give it all to Dora the Explorer. (who says TV is bad for kids :-P) Also unfortunately I can't really prove this because whenever I ask her to count to 5 in spanish in front of anyone...or for the camera she says no. I think I got one video of it once but I'm pretty sure she was whispering and it was in the middle of a whole bunch of other stuff so it may have gone unnoticed. She did count to 5 in spanish today at the doctor's office...but of course i did not have the time (or inclination) to whip out the video camera. Oh well.

She is also becoming really good at identifying shapes. And not just the typical shapes but also the not your everyday variety shapes like trapezoid and octagon. Most of these she has known for a while and I really attribute it to her shape sorter (ya know the hollow ball that has all the different shaped holes and all the different blocks in all the different shapes...i think i just confused myself) but also some of it I attribute to Moose and Zee from NickJr (i think I've mentioned before somewhere that I think I let Syd watch too much TV). Just yesterday she was playing with her puzzle train which has a bunch of different circular and rectangular blocks that you can arrange and rearrange on the train any way you like. She had taken all the blocks off of the train and was arranging them on the floor. I was watching her do this...kindof...when she turned to me and pointed at the floor. "Ott-gon, mama" she told me. "Ott-gon!" and I replied: "no my darling (or something to this affect) those are circles and rectangles and squares, not octagons." "NO! OTT-GON!" she repeated still pointing. and then it clicked. She had used the other blocks to make the shape of an octagon on the floor. Now I know this may sound a little crazy and I might be stretching it a little but damned if she didn't arrange the blocks into a shape with 8 sides. Its not perfect by far...but she's only friggin 2! (here's a picture so you can see for yourself):

Sydney has also been on her way to becoming alot more verbal. Now, she has been talking for a while now. I can't tell you when she started exactly because I'm a horrible mom and didn't really keep track of it. I can tell you that her first word was "duck" (well besides mama and dada...but i truly think duck came first) but I can't really pinpoint at what age or stage she became so much more conversational. I'm also not going to list all the words she knows because a) i don't think I could if i tried and b) i don't think you really care to know every word she can speak. She will now answer questions you ask...for the most part and not just with yes or no. She also likes to make sure she points things out to you, just in case you happened to miss the huge line of school buses on the other side of the street or that the traffic light in front is green or red. She can tell you what most animals say, what colors are what and that she "got you" or "tickle you." Her new favorite expression is "What zat sownd?" (what's that sound in case you don't speak toddler) everytime she hears ANY LITTLE NOISE. This has become especially fun at night since it tends to extend bedtime just a little longer if she "hears" something outside of the window and you have to explain to her what sound it is and why it is perfectly ok and that she needs to get in the FRIGGIN BED already! Her favorite things to hear at night outside of her window are 1 of 2: "crittits" and "Bob and dawggie." The "crittits" (crickets) because she has heard them on a few occasions RIGHT OUTSIDE the window (aggravating damn bugs) are particularly fun because then once she doesn't hear them anymore her second favorite phrase can be used: "what hattened? Crittits?" and I of course answer her with the same answer I use for any question about anything when it is bedtime. They went night night. Just like the sun went night night and mommy and daddy are going to go night night and Sydney needs to go night night. Eventually after asking her question 500 bajillion times she will get in the bed and *fingers crossed* drift away to sleep. Now the "Bob and dawggie" thing I blame entirely on Chris. One night Syd asked "what zat sownd" and then said she was scared and asked for daddy. She was so forlorn that I went to get him and then let him try to calm her down. When I came back she was standing at the window pointing and saying "I see I see! Bob and DAWGGIE!!" because apparently when she asked chris what the sound was he told her it was Mr. Bob (our neighbor) taking the doggie (whose name is Auggie) outside which is a GREAT THING to tell a toddler (who happens to be in love with dogs) when she is supposed to be going to bed. I guess it wasn't horrible because at least she wasn't scared anymore....but she also was in NO WAY ready to go to bed. Here I revert again back to my stock answer. Yes it was Bob and Auggie, but they are going night night, just like the crickets, just like the sun, just like EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD and just like SYDNEY! *clenching jaw together* GO TO BED PLEASE! But I can't complain too much because I am still so very amazed everyday at all the new things she has picked up and learned to say.

Ok so I'm coming up short on more things to brag about. I'm sure there is more...but this blog is already pretty long and I haven't had a nap today so my pregnant brain is a little bit foggy. I will update soon with more preggo related stuff. I just thought it would be a good idea to talk a little about how absolutely wonderful my Sydney is (and give a little update since I never blogged for her, either while preggo or for her 2 years) since in most of my other posts I really just touch on how much she drives me crazy.

Now I'm not saying she doesn't drive me crazy, because she does, but I AM saying that she also makes my heart grow a little more each day, and almost brings tears to my eyes by how much she loves me and her daddy and how much she learns everyday. She really is amazing. and I don't care how cliche that sounds or how many other parents say the same thing about their kiddos :-P

Morning Sickness is a crock

(sorry again this is so long. I never realize how much I have to write until I write it. And once I start I guess I just can't stop. maybe i need to start outlining these blogs before I write so I stay on topic lol. hope its not too boring :-P)

So I guess I'm just about starting in my 7th week of pregnancy. I still haven't gone to the OB yet (i go on the 26th) but according to my babybump App and my profile on WTE (what to expect.com) and other websites that predict your due date from your last menstrual period I range anywhere from the middle of my 6th week to the beginning of my 7th week. *shrugs* so who freaking knows?! WELL, all the articles I've read and/or people I've talked to say that morning sickness usually hits right around the 7th week...along with most of the more unpleasant pregnancy symptoms. To be honest I really wasn't too worried about morning sickness because I never really experienced it with Sydney aside from a handful of days I just felt yucky. I never threw up...never really felt too bad at all.

Well even just this morning I was talking to some other mommy friends about how I didn't have morning sickness with Syd and how I hadn't really felt anything yet. I also mentioned I thought I was still in my 5th or 6th week (which was when a mommy friend let me know she didn't really experience any sickness until her 7th week and it lasted til 14 weeks! yikes!) I felt pretty good pretty much all morning--we had an Easter Egg Hunt at a friend's house and had such a good time, both myself and Syd--and even on the drive home. Chris was home when I got home so I assumed he had the day off--no he was just working at home. Sydney was in a bad mood from the second we got out of the car. I guess we were just cutting it a little too close to naptime for her liking. She perked up when she saw daddy and showed him all the eggs she had gotten and even opened and tasted some of the snacks (at least the ones she hadn't gobbled all up at the actual playdate lol) When I tried to get her to eat lunch she didn't want to have anything to do with it. I even asked and offered her tons of choices but to no avail. It was obviously time for a nap for little miss crabby britches.

We did our typical naptime routine (and mind you she has been taking pretty decent naps recently...anywhere from 1.5-2.5 hrs most days) and I stayed with her and held her hand and sang her some songs (again like I usually do) but I guess she was just too overtired and too psyched that daddy was home when we weren't really expecting him to be home. Well, anyways, she wouldn't go to sleep. So then Daddy tried to come in and "help" and that NEVER works so we were pretty much screwed on the nap front. Since I am so wonderfully pregnant, and moody and exhausted pretty much ALL of the time now I just threw up my hands in disgust and told daddy in no uncertain terms FINE you take her! I'm taking a nap! As I closed the door to the bedroom I heard Chris ask Sydney if she wanted to lay down on the sofa and rest with daddy. Fat chance I thought (i was right btw!) I tried to nap off and on for about an hour/hour and a half but didn't do too well since I could still hear Syd throwing a fit when she wasn't getting what she wanted or I should say didn't know what she wanted (poor darling was so tired).

I finally gave up and went out to see what was going on. Of course she hadn't napped for Chris either and was pretty much just going nuts all over the house. I started feeling a little bit shaky and weak and I was pretty sure it was because the last thing I had eaten was a bunch of grapes at like 11 (and it was now around 2:30) so I figured I should make myself something to eat. That didn't turn out very well since Syd decided she couldn't possibly LIVE without sitting on the counter while i made lunch(or pulling on my leg for me to put her on the counter), screaming at me "UP UP UP!" or "NANA!" or "ORANGE!" while I tried to get some food in my stomach before I either hurled or died or passed out or something equally horrible. Might I add the entire time Syd and I are going back and forth (syd: "up MAMA UP UP UP" me:"ok syd, just a second, mama doesn't feel well and needs to eat" syd: "no ORANGE MAMA! up UP UP UP ORANGE ORANGE!" etc) Chris is at the computer "working." FINALLY i give up trying to get any food for myself and get an orange and tell sydney ok I'm peeling the orange. please calm down while I peel the orange. And i burst into tears...because by this point we are both so tired and so upset and so crazy I can't help it. And of course that is when Chris FINALLY comes in and tries to console me and take syd...and of course I snap at him because it friggin took him long enough. Anyways, I was pretty much at the end of my rope and to top that all off Sydney took one stinking bite of the orange and threw up her hands "all done mama." Awesome!

So to make a LONG story a little shorter, I felt pretty much like crap the entire rest of the day. Sydney was a cranky britches off and on for the rest of the day too. Chris finally told me to go lay down at around 6pm which I did, floating in and out of consciousness for about an hour before I gave up again...because Syd was screaming again...

Lucky for me Chris had already fed her and given her a bath so at around 7:15 I decided it was probably time for Syd to go to bed. I picked her up (poor darling was exhausted) took her to her room, read her a story and sang her to sleep. She was out within 10 minutes.

I still feel a little gross. I'm glad I haven't had to throw up but I have felt pretty queasy and shaky all afternoon and evening. I ate some tomato soup and hardboiled eggs for dinner and had a caffeine free diet coke and now I feel a little better. thank goodness!

So after all that, i still say morning sickness is a crock....there is nothing morning about it. All day sickness would be a better term (and I know there are many who would agree) but people still say morning sickness. Bologna! THE END

Why am I SO FREAKIN TIRED....oh yeah THAT's why! :-P

So I'm only like 2 minutes pregnant and I'm already EXHAUSTED. I mean I was exhausted before I got pregnant because my daughter is CRAZY and doesn't understand that a good night's sleep really does make everyone happy--but this is ridonkulous! I don't remember being this tired when I was preggers with Syd...but that is probably due to the fact that I was still working full time and chalked up the exhaustion to that instead of growing a little person inside my body. I have also been moodier than all get out...which can also be attributed to the whole growing a person thing...and Chris can definitely attest to the moodiness. I feel awful because usually...maybe...well most of the time...ok i mean some of the time...i am relatively tolerant with the happenings in my household but for about the last oh shall we say week or so I have been on EDGE about EVERY LITTLE THING that is done wrong, misplaced, left out, messed up, dirty, etc etc. You get my point. I also find that my passive aggressive nature (which drives Chris NUTS) has come to the forefront once again because instead of starting with "Hey hun could you please fix/do/change/bathe etc" I mumble under my breath something along the lines of "you would think a grown man could figure out how to use a sponge" or "is it that hard to figure out where the trash can is" or just (my personal fave) "REALLY? are you trying to piss me off or is it just second nature" to which Chris replies "huh? what did you say?" Oh nothing...just plotting your death secretly in my head and If I find one more half empty soda can or slice of onion inadvertantly dropped on the floor I'm going to rip out all your hair...then mine! See! Moody Moody Moody! Lucky for me and my sanity...and Chris's I'm sure, I can usually wrangle myself into a better mood or take a couple deep breaths and try to put it out of my mind. I can't be this bad for 9 months right? right?!? Also lucky for me I haven't experienced any morning sickness yet, although like I said before I am only 2 minutes pregnant and that can sometimes take till week 7 to hit full on (ok i'm really like 5 or 6 weeks preggo so it could be coming any minute) I was never really sick with Syd either so *fingers crossed* i'll be ok for this one too. Sydney has been her typical rambunctious self. We have talked about mommy having a baby and when you ask her what is in mommy's belly she says VERY enthusiastically "BABY!" followed closely by "I TOUCH! I SEE!" and trying to take whatever pants I'm wearing off. its adorable but I really don't want to be naked from the bottom down so I hope she grows out of this soon. Also, she has been waking up a couple of times during the night (not helping with the whole exhaustion thing) but as long as we go in there right away she goes right back to sleep no problem. The biggest issue I have personally been having with Sydney is that I'm so moody and don't always (this is going to sound bad :-( so sorry) want her hanging all over me or want to play whatever it is she is dead set on playing. I feel awful and I try really hard to feign interest but it gets harder everyday. I love her soooooo sooooo sooooo much...and again this goes back to a previous post....i feel like such a bad mommy when I don't want her around, but its the truth about what I feel. I know I'm not a bad mommy and I know I spend alot of time with her and she is sooooooo super smart and learning, doing and saying more and more everyday but I just can't help feeling that way sometimes. Anyways, off my chest and out in the open makes me feel a little better. Maybe its just the hormones getting the best of me. Damn estrogen! :-P This post is getting way to long. Looks like I have a bad habit about once I get started I kindof can't stop. Gonna go to bed for now. Will try to write again soon :-)

Really? Another one? Have you met my daugter Sydney?

(BTW this is a pretty long one...so sorry...hope you don't get too bored and give up on me so soon)

How did this happen? That's a question now isn't it? How did this happen? Actually its very simple, if you taken any sort of sex ed or anatomy class basically how it goes is....ok so NO i'm really not going to go there. Hopefully everyone reading this understands all about the "birds and the bees" and if I have to explain it, maybe you don't need to be reading my blog :-P

Well, to continue, when I pose the question "how did this happen?" I'm not really asking like I'm surprised or anything. I know how it happened. And I know that this time we even planned it and were trying to do just this...adding another little one. What I mean by this question is how did this happen? lol (ok so that explained it all right :-P) No, how did we come by the decision that we wanted to try for another baby. What made us think we were ready at this point in our lives? What pushed us to decide HECK YEAH, we already have a crazy toddler! Why not go ahead and add another one so that we can be running around like psychos after 2 kids :-) Why not add to the sleepless nights, endless diapers, screaming, yelling, cooing, kissing, hugging, loving mess we are already in? Well, I'm going to answer this question for you all. I KNOW I KNOW you are all just dying to know right? RIGHT? lol

Well, it happened. Yes, it happened to me. Of all people, I thought I was safe. I thought I could make it a few more years with just the one kiddo. I thought that i KNEW I only wanted Sydney for awhile (cuz let's face it, she is a bit of a handful) and that I wanted to wait until she was in, like, kindergarten or something before I even THOUGHT about getting pregnant again. And then it happened. I caught it....(awful thing that it is...ok not really)....duh duh duuuuuuhhhhhh...BABY FEVER! AHHHHHH

Ok ok so that was a little overdramatic. But basically how it came about was that everyone....and i mean EVERYONE (well except for myself and one other mommy friend) were either preggers, trying to get preggers or had already given birth to their second child. And it hit me. I had preggo envy...or baby envy...or both. I missed being pregnant. I missed the days when Syd was this big and she would snuggle with me and let me hold her and she was so soft and so warm and didn't run away from me and didn't talk back or yell or throw tantrums. I know I was overromanticizing the whole thing in my head about how wonderful being pregnant was and how wonderful a newborn was (they are wonderful but they are also a BIG BIG change and a big big challenge physically, emotionally and psychologically) but nonetheless I wanted it again. Baby Fever had a hold on me :-P
Well, I thought I could handle it. I was pretty sure Chris wasn't ready yet. We had talked months back about how we both wanted to wait, be more financially stable, yadda yadda. I also considered myself the co-founder of the No More Babies Club (lol population 2--no this wasn't really a club, but we kind of made a pact that we were gonna stick to one kiddo for a while yet) Oh yeah, and I was on the Mirena IUD so contraception was covered (sorry if that was tmi) I had the Baby Fever under control.

Then came February 14th, 2011. My wonderful hubby cooked me a beautiful dinner--lobster and steak and veggies and wine and chocolate cake YUMMY--and we were sitting around the table chatting. I just happened to start talking about some of my other mommy friends that had just had babies or were about to have babies and how I couldn't fathom how they were dealing with 2 kiddos and how I understood that Chris wanted to wait and I knew we weren't going to be adding on to the family for a while...etc. etc. when my wonderful hubby looks at me with those "what the hell are you talking about" eyes and pretty much says he has no idea what I'm talking about. HE never said he wanted to wait. HE thought I was the one who wanted to wait. HE would love to start trying for kiddo #2 if I was ready. After I picked my jaw up off the table (because I seriously believe--and remember having the convo--that HE wanted to wait) I told him ok. Ok? yeah ok! let's do it. You sure? Yeah are you SURE? Sure I'm sure! Let's do it! ok so that wasn't the exact dialogue, but pretty much summed it up. We were ready to start trying....and by trying I really mean not really trying but not trying to not get pregnant....did you get that? i think i said it right.

A week later I made an appointment with my OB/GYN to have my IUD removed. She basically told me I was fertile as soon as I walked out of the room. I wasn't going to do the ovulation calculator thing, or even really try to schedule our "sessions." We both agreed that if it happened it happened and if not oh well. Although I have heard stories that a few people I know got pregnant within a month of having an IUD removed I wasn't too terribly worried about it. But I was excited and really hopeful that we would get pregnant soon.

And now here we are. I took an at home pregnancy test on 4/8/2011 and it was positive. I already knew in my heart i was pregnant for a couple of reasons (and they may sound silly but bear with me) Reason #1: my face usually doesn't break out, and when i was preggo with syd I had a slight case of rosacea and rough skin on my cheeks--i was experiencing AWFUL skin problems. Reason #2: my tastebuds were off...not for everything...but a few days earlier I had made pork tenderloin marinated in balsamic, garlic powder, worcestershire (sp) some other spices--stuff I usually/always use to cook with--and when I smelled it and then ate it, I SWEAR it tasted sour....rancid almost. and it wasn't every bite but most of it. Chris said there was nothing wrong with it so it was just me. ding ding ding--put 2 and 2 together...plus with the test that friday and TA-DA!

So now I have my first appointment with my OB on Tuesday, April 26th at 8:15 am (crazy early i know) My whattoexpect.com profile says I'm 6 weeks. My babybump phone app says i'm 5 weeks...*shrugs* who knows. I will find out a better substantiated guesstimate at the OB i assume. My LMP is 3/8/2011 and that makes my predicted due date around 12/13/2011. We shall see.

So I know this has been a pretty long post. And I hope that anyone who chose the read this made it through to the end...and not bored to tears or sleep :-) I'm promising myself to actually keep up with this blog and I am going to try my best to update at least once a week but hopefully more than that.
Goodnight everyone!

It's been a while...

So....I know I know. I "promised" in my first post that I was going to keep up with my posts at least weekly if not more regularly. Well...yeah right. That hasn't happened. Obviously. I just haven't been taking the time to keep track I guess.

Well, tonight I've been up a little later than I should, and have been drinking...a little more than I should...sooooo....I decided I'm going to take up blogging again. Mostly because I am awful at keeping up with all the baby books and I need some way to remind myself of all the amazing things my daughter is doing and learning. But also as a way to rant and rave, vent and basically communicate all that I am going through at this particular time.
I have a couple of mommy friends who have blogs. And, I must say that I am jealous of their blogs. Because they make me laugh and feel and think--and stay up too too late catching up when I haven't read them in a while :-) I want to have that for myself. I'd really like for someone, friends or strangers, to read my blog and feel like they can't stop reading it...like its the most interesting thing in the world. lol its not very likely but I can hope right?

Anyways, I'm going to keep this short because a) I'm a little buzzed from the beer/wine mix lol b) i have no idea what I'm going to right about on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.
Syd is talking. She has ALOT of new words...and though I'm not going to list them right now...i probably couldn't if I tried...I am AMAZED by everything she is learning. We probably watch too much TV right now, but I truly believe she is learning things everyday...both from me and from the shows she positively INSISTS on watching everyday [mama! beats! beats! (fresh beat band for those of you who don't know :-P) "Dough Dough! (dora)!]
My daughter is a brilliant, beautiful, sweet, enigmatic, rambunctious and slightly crazy toddler these days. Every day is a new experience and a new trial and tribulation. Welcome to my world. Hope you enjoy it....if I can remember to keep up with this blog :-P

Bad Mommy

I feel like a bad mom. The past two days have been hell on my nerves and I can't even adequately describe why. Everything Sydney has done has irked me....and I don't want to say this but I must...I've almost felt like I don't even want her around me. *gasp* What is wrong with me?!?!? Its not even like she has been super fussy--she has been pretty fussy though. I'm pretty sure she has just been her normal rambunctious self (although it could also be separation anxiety when I leave the room...or she's finally getting more teeth--which is a very good reason to be fussy) But I've just been getting SOOOOO irritated with her! Maybe its PMS...oh how I hope that's it. I can't stand feeling like this. She is my whole world.

It started yesterday. It was like everything she got into or did was something she wasn't supposed to do. Like she's supposed to really understand NO! and STOP! at 10 months old right? I should be ashamed of myself...but I actually found myself almost yelling at her. (wow--seeing this written down makes me feel even worse!) Then we went to a playgroup at a friends house. There were a bunch of other mom's and babies there that we hang out with all the time. All the other mommies were following their kids, or playing with their kids...like any good mommy would...but what did I do? Watch as Sydney frolicked around the backyard, called her name when she got too far, or tried to walk down the step without help, took pictures from afar...and just relaxed...sortof. I mean I pushed her in the swing for a bit (she actually liked it which is alot better than before when she would scream bloody murder the second her bottom touched the seat of a swing) and played with her a little bit. Mostly I remarked to other moms about how she was being psycho and I was getting so irritated with her and how I felt like a bad mom. Most of the moms that I feel like I could call friend sympathized and even remarked themselves about how it happens...i'm not a bad mom...yadda yadda. But (and this may sound crazy) I felt like whenever I said I was a bad mom, and how Sydney was crazy the other moms that didn't say anything were secretly judging me. Like "how can she say these things?" "how can she be so uncaring" How can she think these things about such a darling little girl?"

I know I know that sounds crazy...and its probably just my own guilt talking. Because I DO feel guilty. VERY GUILTY for feeling this way. I mean I know in my heart that I'm not a bad mommy. And I'm sure all moms feel this way at some point or another. But I just feel like I haven't been giving her my all, my everything because I'm just so ANNOYED with her and it hurts my heart.

To top it all off I feel like I'm also being a bad "wife." Now I KNOW that's ridiculous. And I know he loves me and understands and is totally and completely there for me. But it doesn't change the fact that I still feel bad.

Well...right now I actually feel better. I guess part of it is ranting and raving and getting this all out. And part of it was being out today at another playgroup and talking with other moms who I know have felt this way before (because we have talked about it before) And part of it is because Sydney is doing SO well now with sleeping at night, and she's been in bed since 8:30. And part of it is because I am enjoying a VERY LARGE glass of wine after a very delicious supper that I cooked (and did a damn fine job of it too if I do say so myself) And because I know in my heart of hearts that Sydney's acting up is probably due to teething or she just wants to have me around, holding her or being near her all the time. And I'm just getting irritated with her because I've had a long week, and I do alot and its just building up and stressing me out.

I love her so much. She is the smartest, most beautiful, most animated and rambunctious child and she's all mine--and Chris's I guess ;-)

I'm not a bad mommy...most of the time. But its a hard job to do and it can sometimes make me crazy. But I wouldn't trade a minute of it! And I wouldn't change a thing...well except maybe if she could be a little less crazy all over place all the time! lol j/k

This is my life now. My life as mommy. And its very different than my life before. But so wonderful and rewarding (most of the time :-P) So what if it makes me a little insane. What's life without a little insanity now and then?!